No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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