i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
