I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
