I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
