My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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