look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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