grandma shit on top of the toilet
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
