I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
