I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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