I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
