I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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