This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
