A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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