we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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