I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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