I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
50% drunk capacity currently
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
