Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
