I want to make a zoo with you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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