Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm getting married
To pizza
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
