Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
