I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My hand turned me down
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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