the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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