I wish life had little blips of pornography
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
