dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
