Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
