If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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