I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
