why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You ruined the universe
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
