I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
