Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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