Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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