see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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