I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
