tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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