then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
