I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
