Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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