lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
