can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
