he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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