know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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