I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
