I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
