Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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