Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
