Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
