She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
