My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I touched a dick in church today
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