I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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