Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize