If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
