dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
