I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
