You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
