All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize