Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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