I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
