I think my vagina is haunted
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
