K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize