Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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