OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
