it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
