Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
