last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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