it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
