His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
