It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
