did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
