i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize