he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
