1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
