saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
